


Hearts and Minds

by Project0506



Series: Soft Wars [92]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Boys with irresponsible access to military resources, Chatting & Messaging, Gen, Humor, chat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/pseuds/Project0506
Summary: Once, Doom tried to steal Rex's ARCs.  He gets everything he never wanted.  Chatfic
Series: Soft Wars [92]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683775
Comments: 25
Kudos: 550





	Hearts and Minds

Priority Alert

Doom: I don’t want to hear any comments. Just follow the instructions.

Priority Response

Bly: Oh? Is that how this game is played? How convenient.

Priority Response

Ponds: That’s sweet. That’s very sweet that you think we’re going to let this go vod’ika.

Priority Response

Doom: Point of correction and not one actually relevant to the war effort: I’m older than you

Priority Response

Ponds: Doom’ika you just uploaded a children’s holovision video featuring The Get Along Song. You’ve been demoted to youngest.

Priority Response

Doom: I already said I didn’t want to hear any comments. Just follow the karking instructions.

Priority Response

Ponds: Language. The CTs are online.

Priority Response

Vaughn: Please hold that thought. We’re following the instructions.

Priority Response

Vaughn: And hello Commander Doom, please pass along hellos to Echo and the others.

Priority Response

Doom: No. And I’m sending them back on the first transport.

Priority Response

Doom: This entire army is a joke and I regret. Everything.

Priority Response

Vaughn: Yes, that was sort of the point. You made it a whole week though! That's impressive!!

Priority Response

Bly: Well damn. This is certainly something. Is this how you’ve been fighting this whole war Doom?

Priority Response

Doom: No. It isn’t. Torrent, schedule transfer of your assholes. They'll be in transit as soon as takeoff is cleared.

Priority Response

Rex: Torrent reports: Quake Company has produced an effective audio weapon system.

Priority Response

Doom: Quake Company did nothing of the sort. The blame is fully on Torrent ARCs.

Priority Response

Bly: Star Corps confirms. Quake Company’s Audio Weapon System is incredibly idiotic but does actually work.

Priority Response

Doom: Is reading comprehension something they cut from the curriculum after my squad?

Priority Response

Vaughn: Torrent reports a complete cessation of hostilities. And several hundred apparent cases of droid identity crises.

Priority Response

Bly: Why is it a children’s sing-along? Star Corps reporting pause in hostilities.

Priority Response

Doom: The hell should I know? Torrent thought it was cute? And locked the code so my techs can’t figure out how to separate the actual viral subsonic signal from the host video.

Priority Response

Bacara: How persistent is this virus? And can you break the file apart, I don’t have bandwidth for large downloads.

Priority Response

Bly: Standby.

Priority Response

Bly: It lasts through a hard reboot.

Priority Response

Rex: They’ll patch the vulnerability as soon as they realize. All units, implement the new QCAWS as soon as possible. Let us know when it stops working.

Priority Response

Doom: Don’t give it an acronym. Don’t include my company in the acronym.

Priority Response

Cody: QCAWS still effective.

Priority Response

Gree: QCAWS still effective. Also very annoying. Thanks, Doom.

Priority Response

Rex: Bacara I sent you a file.

Priority Response

Doom: What.

Priority Response

Doom: Did you just send your boyfriend the virus without the karking video?

Priority Response

Ponds: Language

Priority Response

Doom: Fuck that I’ve listened to six hours of The Get Along Song. Rex send me just the virus.

Priority Response

Grey: A droideka just asked General Billaba to marry it because it thinks love gives you meaning in life. Doom what the hell? Also I’m going to hear this song in my sleep. Thanks, Doom. QCAWS still working.

Priority Response

Doom: Rex send me just the virus.

Priority Response

Neyo: QCAWS works. Watch how much of it any pit droids hear, they might start trying to cry. Just like every single one of your comms officers will. Thanks Doom.

Priority Response

Ponds: Wow Doom’ika this new QCAWS of yours is probably going to get you a commendation. I’ll make sure we play it at your award ceremony.

Priority Response

Bacara: TCAWS works. Assuming much less annoying than QCAWS.

Priority Response

Doom: REX

Priority Response

Vaughn: He just left. Someone needs to take out the control ships before the droids stop trying to find themselves. Thanks Doom!!

Priority Response

Doom: Rex your comm is _on your wrist_

Priority Response

Bacara: Extended exposure results in attempts at poetry. Droids do not understand symbolism. Thanks Doom.

Priority Response

Doom: Fuck everything.

Priority Response

Fox: Cute.


End file.
